University suspends fraternity after three alcohol poisoning incidents at recent off campus party.
This past weekend, three students were admitted to the local hospital for alcohol poisoning. All members of the campus fraternity Alpha Beta Zeta. Junior Press Martin, Sophomore Rob Smith, and Freshman Al Amalek all under the legal drinking age. Martin and Smith were released while Almalek is still in the hospital listed in critical condition.
The university released the statement “Our initial investigation indicates that these young men were at a party in the ABZ house. A number of witnesses say alcohol was being consumed by them. Based on that we are suspending the fraternity and all its activities on campus. We have not decided how long the suspension will last.”
Two weeks ago, in an effort to reduce the drinking at fraternity parties, University president Harvey Smithville restates the alcohol policy: “Any fraternity in which the members have alcohol will be immediately suspended. A second offense within a year will result in the banning of that fraternity for five years.”
Interfraternity Council president Bart Addison said, “I am shocked that this incident occurred. I believed that everyone was adhering to the University’s policy. However, I do not believe that the entire fraternity should be held responsible for the actions of a few. I am going to ask President Smithville to reconsider his suspension of the ABZ’s.”
Jan Mize in the university’s public relation department released that usually suspensions like this are for about a year.
The university might increase its police patrols of fraternity houses on the weekends to prevent such an event from happening.
1. All members of the campus fraternity Alpha Beta Zeta. -> All WERE members of the campus fraternity Alpha Beta Zeta
2. Lots of quotes, could use a little more description
3. Good job on getting all the key information into your story!
1. Your sentences are very awkward, especially with regards to comma usage.
2. Your lead is not a complete sentence.
3. You are overusing quotes. Reread the Stovall section on using quotes, pp. 114-116. Direct quotes make up over half of your piece and they should be at most 10% or so.